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Chapter 3

About me

My name is Ninfa Artemis. My blood group is O positive which means I am a universal donor for the RH+ group. I am the author of all the lyrics and songs I perform.

About my personal life: I am single. I have no children. I have a university degree. And in recent years, when I’m not at work, all my free time is devoted to: music. Aside from this arduous work, the only thing left is hope.

How did this all begin? Psychics, prophecies and idiocies.

At the time everything seemed very normal, but today...scary!

Those who are involved in the music know that my naivety and ignorance of how things function in the music world could have resulted in a mocking laughter from professional experienced musicians. Would it have been a compassionate mocking laughter? I don’t know. But I did it! I wrote, I composed and recorded songs!

I have loved music ever since I was a little girl. For a long time, music was passive in my life. I was merely a listener. But now: I create music!

My musical circumstances are intimidating? Maybe.

I have never been connected with (aside from the studio musician I work with) anyone in the music industry; no family members, friends, work colleagues, friend of friends…no one! I have never had any kind of musical training – not by a private teacher or even by a music school. I’ve also never gone looking for musical training. How could I know that I was going to involve myself in the music world?!  

Years went by. I got my degree; started working and a few more years went by. Then, due to the circumstances of life, I was in search of answers for my life, especially in what regarded my romantic life which was always lacking, chaotic, centered around people who were centered around themselves; people who were insecure and emotionally unstable and who would suck my emotional energy.

These were the kinds of people that I attracted although at first I thought I was attracting the complete opposite.

I also have a problem of being psychologically dependent on others.

Meanwhile, I met psychics who insisted on another path for my life...that the day job which I had held for years would one day have to be abandoned.

I compose melodies quickly, but the rhythm of creating and completing musical projects in the studio is a very slow one, dependent on my schedule and the availability of the studio musician.

I can confirm that first I write the lyrics to a song and only later do I create the melody using my voice, as I don’t play an instrument.

The musician always used to say that I like to build the house by the roof. And, in turn, I never understood how musicians start their building first by creating the melody and only later do they (or others) come up with the lyrics. I think it is much more difficult to come up with words that fit perfectly into the metric of a song than to create a melody which fits perfectly into the feeling and metric of the words which already exist.

Music has rules. Musicians were taught these rules although they say that within these rules everything is possible.

When someone pops up (like me) who composes solely out of instinct and with a total ignorance of the rules of music, using her voice as the sole instrument of composition, without a piano, guitar or other backup instrument, their tune changes quickly from “everything is possible in music” to “the absence of a response” after being presented with my project…

I needed help bringing my songs to life. Even in my difficult circumstances, I wanted to make songs! I searched for musicians in schools, academies and music conservatories.

What were the problems with my vocal compositions? Irregular rhythm and changes in tone.

Without the assistance of a musical instrument (and above all, experience) such a situation is bound to happen. It is expected to happen. It is normal to happen. Unexpected and abnormal is seeing someone to attempt to make songs in these kinds of conditions!  

The studio musician I work with has got a degree in Business Management and a master’s in International Economics...nothing related to music! Just like my degree! But, unlike me, his vocation to music started at a very young age.

He told me that he started playing guitar at ten years old and that since then he has been developing his musical knowledge. Later, at the same time he was working as a manager, he continued to practice music and even performing live. Twenty years ago he opted definitely for a career in music.

Currently, this musician is the only other person responsible for my music coming to life other than myself. He plays the musical instruments. He’s the sound engineer. He creates the musical arrangements, does the mixing...etc.

I am the executive producer. In other words, I say what I want the music to sound like. The songs are mine and not a reflex of the music market. I make the music I want. I don’t have anyone pressuring me.

I cannot say that I understand the reality of the record labels or that I know the sales formula that guarantees an album’s commercial success. I suppose that they are looking for beautiful young singers who sing very well.

I am creative and merely that.

I have not yet let myself be paralyzed by fear. Meanwhile, I am starting to wake up and see that many artists/bands fight to have an “economic machine” in the form of a record label to support all their marketing expenses. This record label will apply all the techniques it knows to guarantee the commercial success of the artist/band in the scene.

Marketing is used as a tool to sell a fabulous image of the artist/band and also (and this is what is incredibly expensive) to constantly publicize the artist/band and a song chosen by the record label everywhere - promising success for its release in the mainstream media.

From what I see in the music studio, there are a lot of people like me who record at their own expense. But these people also have some sort of musical experience and the belief that they should have: experience first, and then record.

I’m always doing the opposite of others! No experience and even so I record.

A great number of the artists that record at the studio in question mainly do cover songs of popular commercial successes. The number of artists who record their own original songs is small. In the music studio I also saw cases where a singer simply writes lyrics and then hands them to the musician. The studio musician is also a composer who has also made instrumental music (without vocals) for TV ads.

All singers/bands feel that to a big part of the public they are going to be about as visible as the oxygen molecules we breathe on this planet - unless the media like radio, television and written press makes them visible.

These media frequently mention the same artists/bands over and over again and that is why a lot of people do not understand that there are a huge number of new songs out there by artists/bands of all musical genres.

Just like in supermarkets where items that are strongly publicized appear on shelves at eye level and not on the top or bottom shelves, thus making them more visible, so is the case with music. Its necessary to have immediate exposition – otherwise people will not know that the artist/band exists. 

For me, I was on the outside. The radio and television seemed to be very friendly egalitarian mediums. In other words, they led me to believe that all artists had an equal opportunity of promoting themselves.

Obviously I was distracted. If such was the case a great economic machine used to support extremely expensive marketing with longstanding and ongoing exposition of the artist/band in the public would not be necessary.

My life was not going well and I was lost. On Sunday night, February 13th 2000, I finally convinced myself that I would be able to write song lyrics.

On that Sunday night, a Brazilian fortune teller asked me over the phone why I didn’t channel the sadness I was feeling into writing the lyrics to songs? According to her, I had an innate skill for writing.

But I was centered on accusing her (almost directly) for being responsible for my sadness due to her errors in prophecy from a tarot reading she had given me in late 1998. She retorted, “You have an innate skill for writing. Write song lyrics. You are going to be a singer. You are going to be very famous. You will travel the world. About him, you will see that it was nothing more than a small crush. It was not he that I was referring to... You have yet to meet the one I meant.” She stopped there and said nothing else as she was offended by my accusations. That was the end of our conversation.

I met this fortuneteller in late 1998 on a short vacation I had taken to Brazil. She used to work during the daytime and at night she would give individual psychic sessions. All she needed was the full name of the person consulting her, their date of birth and her deck of tarot cards.

I went to see this psychic.

She said that there was someone interested in knowing me better.

A few months before this, I had started exchanging emails with a musician who, along with his band, had achieved some popularity.

The psychic added that the man of my life was also my soul mate and that we had already been together in another life. She said that we would find each other again in this life and that when this happened, we would both feel a shock, a sort of a scare, because we will have felt like we’d always known each other.

According to her, I had been taken from him (the great love of my life from another life and in this life) having been assassinated.

She said that the assassination had occurred some centuries before in England and that’s why I felt uneasy when I visited that country.

I don’t know how she was so sure that I had already been to England but in fact, I had.

I had gone on a short summer vacation and I never understood why I didn’t feel good there or why I felt worse after visiting castles.

I don’t know if this was directly related with what the psychic told me or if it was just that time of the month.

The fortuneteller was absorbed in her thoughts. She leaned over the cards as if to look for something better (I don’t know what) and she herself seemed bewildered by what she’d seen. She adjusted to her normal position in the chair and said, “In the twenty-four years I have been reading people’s fortunes, I have never seen anything like this. He will belong entirely to you! From head to toe! A man will be your door! A man will be your door!”

This was in late 1998, but only in February of 2000 did I begin writing lyrics and I only started composing melodies to songs using merely my voice in April of 2002. I thought I would start in January of 2002, but I kept putting it off. In April I finally got up the courage and started creating the melodies without any previous experience!

Therefore, I gave no importance to the sentence: A man will be your door! Because it could have meant a thousand different things. Even now that I am linked to the music world I don’t know if the door refers to some sort of opportunity or if in fact it refers to the disaster with the musician from the emails.

I stupidly associated the incredible man brought up by the fortuneteller with the musician whom I had started exchanging emails with.

At that time I had only written sporadic emails, but my idiotic obsession caused my emails to intensify. I would write a little about everything. And, when blogs began to appear, they reminded me of the emails that I would write to the musician: thoughts, serious issues, funny moments, fictitious stories, true stories and simple poems.

The band which the musician belonged to was touring here and there - including outside the country although they were not famous.

He found my emails amusing and a few months later, when his schedule freed up, he wanted to meet me personally.

I only began composing three years after this meeting.

Although all the signs (his actions) gradually revealed how disastrous my “relationship” with him would be, I didn’t withdraw from him immediately. My misinterpretation of what the Brazilian fortune teller had told me at the end of 1998, my foolish attraction to him, and because it’s good to have a passion in life, led me to insist on this mistake for quite some time.

It was in an ungratifying “relationship” that left me psychologically unstable, having also affected my health. I was in such distress that it was aging my blood.  

I started to feel pain in my bones and a terrible cold in sheer summer causing me to sleep under twelve thick blankets, hardly being able to withstand their weight on my body.

Having become exhausted of the doctor’s appointments and medical exams and without any sign of improvement, and gradually worsening, I decided to go to a healer.

After placing her hands on my head, she gave me her diagnosis.

She said that I was destroying myself psychologically, that I was sabotaging myself. That I had produced in myself a very low self confidence and that I was undergoing a profound sadness. “What is wrong with you? Why are you so sad?” she asked.

Why was I so sad?

Why was I feeling everything saddened, diminished, defeated?

It was my fear for the tomorrow. The fear of not knowing where I would find another world where my imagination would want to echo wonders.

Above all, it was the shock of seeing that my stupidities were like acid corroding doors where logic and common sense were hidden.

Logic had disappeared. The doors let her flee!

The acidity of my stupidities corroded doors...So full of holes were the doors of logic! Logic escaped through these enormous holes and on the outside, anything could enter! Stupidity entered! The “relationship” with the “email musician” lasted a year and a half.

Around the time I consulted the healer, I had followed the Brazilian fortune teller’s advice and written a lot of song lyrics. Although I had broken things off with the musician, as we did not end as rivals, I emailed some of these lyrics to him.

The world of music always had a great power over me.

The email musician and also singer, enchanted and radiated charm and was part of those “star” singers full of “qualities” and even engaged in charitable concerts.

Far away, somewhere, are people who only live in hope! Hope that they will not starve to death because at that specific moment, somewhere, far ongoing non-profit concert is happening which will revert totally in favor of them, they, the hungry ones that wait…in hunger. And around here, where food is abundant, what's happening?

Jumping, happiness, music! They paid money for their entrance ticket which will go one hundred percent to help a group of people in need in a far away land.

Those who jump to the sound of the music and paid for their ticket didn’t stop to ask who was going to pay for the crew, transport, electricity, rental of the location of the event, among other things. The music is good! High beat!

And me? Where am I? Well, if it’s the end of the month you can probably find me at some ATM somewhere transferring money to animal aid organizations or humanitarian organizations.

The other days of the month my typical routine is home-work and vice-versa. My social get togethers are more like funeral eulogies. And now I really feel like I’m at a funeral because my fantasy pink world disappeared a long time ago!

Reality makes my days sadder. Nothing is worth it. Around me everyone was going on with their happy lives with their partner, children, in a longtime job…they opted for stability and longed to be realistic in choosing the best solution to "live well in life".

And me? I chose to live on a boat that sways out of control…a boat which travels on the unpredictable, unstable and emotional waters of music!   

I liked writing song lyrics, but at the same time felt myself far from the “world of music” because I didn’t know anyone who could help me, guide me or tell me what to do with so many lyrics!

Without knowing what my future in music would hold, in endless singers’/musicians’ autobiographies, I was constantly reminded of the fact that they had their first contact with music at a very young age, while still children...

At this point I was already at a late phase in my musical life. I was inexperienced and without any professional contacts in the industry and without musical education.

These facts massacred my soul!  

In any case, this was never an obstacle for me! I had a strong idea in my mind: I had to insist on my music and in a way to get what I wanted because returning to my old way of life was unthinkable! I wanted to maintain a creative connection with music. Maintaining my psychological dependence on the musician from the emails allowed me to keep this connection, encouraged me to be aware of all his and his band’s movements and made me more attentive to interviews given by other musicians/bands/vocalists.

This was the way I tried to obtain an understanding of this “music world” which to me was totally unknown. From the way in which they were discovered by a big record label to how they found their manager, including advice on how to succeed in the business. “To succeed in music you need to be yourself. Do not imitate. Be yourself!” said the lead singer of a big international rock band.

He (the musician from the emails) hadn’t replied, given an opinion or even a word of good luck in regards to the lyrics that I’d sent him.

He was totally focused on his and his band’s success. If I was to go ahead in the music world, I would have to go at it alone.

The healer asked me, “What’s wrong with you? Why are you so sad?” I shrugged as if to say that I could not explain what was wrong with me. “I feel physically and mentally exhausted.” This is how I summarized my situation.

She said that I was lacking a lot of vitamins in my body and above all, had a serious iron deficit. I was constantly shivering with cold in mere summer! I went to the pharmacy and asked for a strong iron supplement.

I removed the thick wool blankets from my bed and stored them in the wardrobe. I gave them a few good kicks to make sure that they would remain there! It was hard to close the wardrobe because the blankets were so thick! A few good kicks and they shrank! I also started eating better: more vegetables, more fruit…etc.

I am of Portuguese decent and was raised in the country, except between the ages of 4 and 10 in which I lived in Germany, where my parents emigrated. I would also like to add that healers, as well as the paranormal, have been part of my life from a very early age. My deceased maternal grandmother with dark hair, skin as white as snow and dark blue eyes was a healer.

My grandmother had a very difficult life. She worked on the farm. She went through difficult times because of the World Wars. Some of her nine children were born during the Second World War, when famine and scarcity were typical, as was a deep faith in God. They would ask Him for resistance to pain and strength to work so that they could earn their daily sustenance.

They would go to bed hungry and wake up at dawn hungry. They would get up to work a nearby land or to work far from home, having to travel long distances to and fro on foot (having no money for other means of transport).

One’s stomach was hungry and was searching for nourishment in the meat under the skin – leaving only skin and bone.

My grandmother, when working as a healer, would interrupt her work in the fields to aid any sick soul who requested help. Her knowledge was “innate.” She did not learn from anyone, but her knowledge came from somewhere...the “Invisible”?

She would pray over the sick and prepare potions with ingredients she’d buy at the pharmacy. In the midst of all that hunger and misery, going to a doctor was out of the question. There was no money. People would turn to those they called healers.

My grandmother never charged for her services although she had to spend money at the pharmacy to prepare her “medications.” The only plus was that she had the land she’d inherited, in which she planted crops allowing her to survive in these hard times. My grandmother was poor and would help those poorer than her.

I believe in the “Invisible”.

I believe in something sent from above in extreme situations. It confronts obstacles, “Leave! Let us through!” If it’s nighttime, torches arise to lead our way. Then, we move up through the darkness, amidst the fear, the uncertainty, the unknown, the anxiety…we advance to something which seems like an escape path to something better.

My initiation to musical composition was similar to my initiation to writing song lyrics. Again, psychics! Alone I wouldn’t have been able to convince myself of such a thing!

 I needed help! I got it from an English psychic!

I became a skydiver and jumped into musical composition... Hello! I’m going to compose melodies! They said that I could! I believe that I can! I have no experience but I’m the only one left to do it! Let’s go!

Many who study music for years, even those who have completed a degree in music, don’t always venture themselves into writing song lyrics. The same is true for musical composition. There are musicians whose focus goes solely into playing music. But I fell in love with music! I don’t have anyone so I have to rely on myself for everything including lyrics and melodies!

I’ve always lived like a skydiver, this is just one more adventure!  

How am I as a skydiver? I’m phenomenal!

I’m more or less like this: I’m in the airplane, I look at others who seem comfortable and comforted in their seats. They are secure! I look down and there, somewhere hidden, not immediately perceptible, is something which pleases me. The eyes of reality see very little, but I’m going to get my magic eyes and now I see everything clearly!

Do you know something? I think that what I’m seeing is truly exciting!

Above me the airplane advances with other passengers. I see a huge balloon in the shape of an open parachute. I jumped out of the plane!

I see the sun, the birds… I don’t see any obstacle. Everything is beautiful…it’s almost like I know how to fly! Ow-ow-ow! My body hit the ground!

Where am I? I’m going to need to figure it out if I don’t want to get stuck here in the middle of nowhere! I’m in trouble! Where did I end up?! I’m lost!!!

Is anyone out there? Can anyone help me, please? I don’t see I have to scream louder?!! Can SOMEONE help me, please?

Where is my help?!!! Aha! It seems like someone is out there! What are you telling me?! I can’t hear you. I need to get closer...

“Stop worrying. You need to learn and there is no better way to do it than alone…Are you familiar with the proverb: Necessity is the mother of invention?

I’ve told you countless times to think first and act later, but you don’t change! Then you complain and say that you only do stupid things. Calm down. You’re lucky. Heaven found your ingenuity amusing. You will have Its protection; It will be your guide. You will come out on top when faced with obstacles. Always remember: obstacles are simply steps that will lead you to your destiny. So, don’t become anxious about the many obstacles that you will have to face! You will be given a special strength and nothing will be denied you. Don’t worry yourself too much about these things. Keep your faith strong!”

Hey wait a second! Help! Are you leaving already?! Look, wings! You were an angel! Don’t go! Stay with me! Please! I’m a little angel! I can’t remain alone!  

It went away! “No, I didn’t go away...I am still here, always beside you.”

On July 31st 2003, right in the middle of the summer, I was introduced to the studio musician. It was this musician who was to help me accomplish my musical projects, as predicted by the English fortune teller: “…you will meet a man in the summer of 2003 that will be very important in your life!”. “My future husband?” I asked. “No. You will come to know who he is...” he said.

How did I get to the musician?

The new edition of the yellow pages had just arrived at my house. I thought that record labels only existed in Lisbon, but then I thought (doubting I would find anything) to search in the yellow pages. To my surprise I saw that not too far from my town there was a small little known record label which focused on “country” music. I didn’t jot down the telephone number because I didn’t find it tailored to my genre of music; although I like this kind of music very much.

In the following days, the persevering thought that I should get in touch with that small record label kept torturing me! I argued against this fixed idea trying to convince myself that it didn’t represent my genre of music.

The persevering thought won and I decided to visit the record label!

It was late July 2003.

The owner of that small label was a retired gentleman. I gave him the thirteen songs from my Portuguese project, “Incenso.”

The next day, he called me to say that after listening to my cassette, he only knew of one man who would be capable to accomplish this project.  He said that the person was a very versatile musician that had already produced a lot of difficult covers for that record label. That’s when I came to the understanding that aside from “country” music, they also edited covers of all musical genres.

After this, in late 2004, I started to look for musicians to form a band with. I had finished the demo recording of the project “Incenso” whose first song was entitled “Aha sim gato?” later originating the English version “Aha, yes Tiger?” which enquired: “Tiger…Shall I shade my eyes blue? Shall I shade my pubic hairs too?”

I put an ad in a music magazine in search of musicians. A lot of those who contacted me asked if the songs were sung in English. When I said no, most of them became uninterested.

Later I realized that some songs played on the radio were performed by Portuguese bands in English and that major record labels seemed to have a preference for national bands which sung in English. 

For reasons intrinsic to his own personality, the studio musician is a pragmatic type of person. He considers that all hypotheses, good or bad, are likely to take place and therefore one must be able to adapt to the circumstances of the moment, whether they may be, good or bad.

I however, when I want something, I guide my life according to what I want.

When I want something so much I only see what I want in front of me. I don´t even consider alternative choices in case I fail in achieving my dreams. I bet absolutely everything on my goals. But fighting causes anxiety, stress and can destroy your heart!

The real world and the music world as well are not good for those with heart problems and I have a prolapsed mitral valve!

I discovered I had this problem in 2000. I had just laid down and fallen asleep. In the wee hours of the morning I woke up and could not move any part of my body, open my eyes, feel myself breathing or feel my heart beating.

The only thing that was alert was my mind.

I immediately understood that something was very wrong with me. Saintly deaths did not come while sleeping. Something surprisingly scary, strange and wrong is felt – the body feels different; as if it’s dead!

I remember thinking, “Is this how I end?!” I said this in an ironic tone, complaining to God about my miserable life, having never been given the opportunity to be happy.

I didn’t agree with this death because I disagreed with my life: It had been a miserable one! This couldn’t be my end!

I didn’t see a light at the end of a tunel. I didn’t leave my body. I didn’t see anything.

A lot of people speak of an indescribable feeling of peace.  

It’s true. The feeling is much better than the happiness we typically feel. Maybe because something in our nervous system turns off and therefore we cannot feel our body, we cannot feel ourselves breathing, we can’t feel anything!

Then a voice whispered, “You have a heart problem.” Immediately after hearing this voice I felt the blood circulating irregularly in my heart, like convulsions in there and felt what seemed like an arm underneath my back lifting me up quickly into a sitting position in my bed.

Promptly, my lungs began to function normally again, filling up with so much air that it caused a momentary pain in my rib cage.

When I woke up in the morning, I didn’t know if I had had a bad dream, but I clearly remembered that quick awakening, the air filling my lungs as if I had not taken a breath in quite some time and the irregular blood flow in my heart.

I made a doctor’s appointment and asked for cardiac examinations.

The doctor asked me why I was requesting these. I told him that I had had a dream in which I was told that I had a heart problem. I described my symptoms. The doctor looked me up and down (“Heard a voice?!”) and pondered my request, but because I was so adamant about the cardiac examinations, he accepted my request. The results were that I had a prolapsed mitral valve.

I had been born with this problem. A lot of people have this and never know.   

The saying is true, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also!” When I had that death scare in 2000, I had started to write lyrics to songs. I had discovered a new world.

“Is this how I end?” I would ask God. Will I never get to know how far I could get in the music industry? Will I never find true love and happiness?

God delayed my death. He gave me the opportunity to see how far I could get in music and if one day I will find happiness in love.

For some reason, God wanted me to value life. Sometimes feeling down and believing that the sorrows of today will bring awful bad things, lead us to fatalistic ideas and/or acts, in the form of suicide; as if good did not exist.

The cardiologist said that what I had in my heart was not serious. I asked him if with this heart problem I could suffer and run a lot. He started to laugh and said, “What kind of question is that?! If you can suffer a lot?! Yes, you can suffer a lot! But, it’s not a good idea to suffer too much! Why the question about running a lot?!” I replied, “I don’t know! Who knows if one day I may not be confronted with danger and have to run!”

“What danger?” he asked. 

“I don’t know!”

“You can run and suffer as much as you want, but with moderation! If possible, try to be positive as much as you can, ok? It’s also a good idea to monitor your situation annually with an electrocardiogram and to exercise regularly!”

In 2006 I thought it would be nice to start writing song lyrics, but this time, in English. These lyrics came to form the album “Extreme” in 2007.

I have an intermediate level of English. What stayed with me were some things I had learned in high school. So, I needed someone to correct my lyrics in terms of syntax, semantics and grammar.

Near my home lived a teacher with a degree in English. I asked her if she would be able to take a look at some of my lyrics. I observed some irritation at my request on her behalf. In my opinion, she possibly felt some insecurity in regards to this responsibility. She was not a translator. She taught elementary school English, but she agreed to take a look at my lyrics and review them. A few days later I told her that I had found an experienced translator and thanked her for her willingness to help. In truth, I hadn’t found a translator, but I was going to! I hadn’t lied! I simply shouldn’t have said “found” but “will find” instead! I wanted to free her from the stress of the translation which ended up causing negative vibes every time we ran into each other on the street.

These corrections would end up being done by Cristina, an American with Portuguese decent who had recently arrived in Portugal from New York who had decided to work outside her native country for some time.

But, before having found Cristina, I had tried getting help from a friend who had recommended a cousin of hers who knew someone engaged to an Englishman! Besides being an English teacher, he also spoke Portuguese very well. He had applied to a position as a teacher in a private school in Portugal and had stuck around as he liked the people and the climate.

However, the Portuguese bride-to-be never allowed me to talk to her English fiancé! I had to hand over the lyrics to be corrected to the bride-to-be (she demanded so)  and afterwards she would deliver them to him. On the appointed day to return my corrected song lyrics from my "Extreme” project, she showed up alone although I had specifically requested his presence also.

She showed up at the place we’d planned to meet: a coffee shop. I kept looking over at the door expecting him to come running in. I thought maybe he had stayed behind. He was taking too long. She had walked in alone, sat down and ordered.

I finally got up the courage and asked, “Is your fiancée not coming?”

“No!” she said as she casually shook the sugar packet the employee had brought with her coffee, preparing to open it and pour it in her coffee to make it nice and sweet.

She poured the sugar into the coffee and replied dryly, “No, he’s not coming.”

“What if I want to exchange ideas with him about the lyrics of my project? How do I go about it?” I asked in astonishment.

She sipped some of her coffee. By the look on her face, it was to her satisfaction. “You simply don’t!” Her face continued with the same look of satisfaction. She smiled. I was still stunned, but this time because I realized I was face to face with a ruthless manipulator and pathologically jealous woman.   

She went on to say that she had helped her fiancée with the revisions, that she also had a degree in English and that the presence of her fiancée at our meeting was hardly necessary.

Although my English may be rudimentary, there were some changes made to my lyrics which I disagreed with as I found them to be unsuitable.

I came to believe that her fiancée had never even seen my lyrics.

In the end I paid her for the work she’d done and in order to really close our meeting I told her that I hadn’t liked how she’d mocked me when we had specifically agreed that her fiancée would be at the meeting also.

She was stunned by my sudden shift in tone but quickly regained her composure and said, “People are so ungrateful! I’m never going to let him translate or correct anything ever again! No matter who they may be for!”, and she walked out of the door!

“That’s right! You go and tell him what to do! Go and control your fiancée you ugly manipulator!”

How about a little background music in order to lighten up the environment?

We’ve got to clear the heavy air left by that manipulator!

Back to music…Music is above her creator, she is worth more than her creator,. Music is perfect. Music comes from a dimension which is not human.

How did I come up with the melodies that I composed for my lyrics?

Sometimes I would hear them in my head. Other times I would start humming them spontaneously…Then, I would go to the music studio where the instrumental arrangements for the song were created, followed by the vocal recordings and then the mixing etc….Countless hours, days, weeks spent on one song.

The studio musician and I would butt heads often because when he may have thought a song was complete I thought that the arrangements needed to be redone!

He would freak out every time I mentioned this!

It was worse when I would say that we’d probably have to seriously change the arrangements and genre altogether because maybe a song we’d made in the pop genre would work better as rock!

“Do you understand how many hours, days, weeks of work you’re just throwing away?! Do you understand how much money you’re losing?! At this rate we’ll never finish this song! We still have to work on the other songs you’ve composed!!”, he’d say in a loud voice which could be heard way outside the studio walls, projecting his voice like the tenor opera singer Pavarotti! Can anyone out there hear how he’s yelling at me!?

“I don’t like this one the way it is! I just don’t like it!”

“But just yesterday you said that you liked the song, that everything was ok!”

“No I didn’t! I said that everything seemed ok!”

“Have you ever noticed that you’re always changing your mind?!”

“No I’m not! I’m a creator! Can’t you see how I’m suffering!” (Women! (he thought!) He didn’t say anything, but I’m sure that’s what he was thinking!) “What’s that look on your face?”

“Nothing. Did I say anything? I just heard you say you were suffering. I didn’t say anything else!”  

I thank God for all the work He had to do to make everything possible for me: writing lyrics, composing and finding the studio musician who made my music reality.

I want to spread my wings and see the world! Yes I do!

YOUTUBE video "About Me"

Video 1

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Video 4

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Video 2

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Video 3

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Video 5

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Video 6

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Video 7

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Video 8

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Video 9

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Video 10

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