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Chapter 4



(For the first time I made believe I was others... I invented myself... Here are the emails…)


Date:   Thursday, 29 June 2000   08:09pm,  Subject: “I really like you”

My name is Maria Madalena. I’m 19. I’m a student and making believe a little more: I’ve got four boyfriends! One to take me to restaurants, one to take me to the movies, one to take me clubbing and the other here at my side controlling what I write because he doesn’t want me to end up with five boyfriends. Would you like to be my boyfriend? And what would your job be?  

I like it when you talk about sex, like you did in your other album: so blatantly! You do it with style, although I don’t think you’re so blunt!

A big kiss, Maria  Madalena


Date: Friday, 30 June 2000  

01:17am,  Subject: Re: “I really like you”  (His response)

Maria Madalena,

You like it when I talk about sex? I’ll talk to you whenever you want.

A kiss.


08:33pm,  Subject: “Talk?!”   (…. I responded!!!…)

If I match each email in which you talk about sex to each centimeter of your manhood, would                      I reach 5 centimeters?

I’ve never seen your thing, but I’m almost sure you’re well endowed.

It seems you are good at Platonisms. Talking, no?  Kisses,  Maria Madalena



Date: Saturday, 01 July 2000  

02:08am,  Subject: Re: “Talk?!

I don’t like Platonisms.

And regarding the centimeters, have you got space for them? Cell phone.


10:56am,  Subject: “Do you want…?” 

Do you want me to see how macho you are?! Let’s do it! I’m not going to run away. 

And  please, less talk and more action. Ok? Date, time, place?

I´m waiting for you to contact me... should I close my legs or are you still waiting for some more centimeters? A big kiss, Maria Madalena

(He didn´t answer)



(In his guest book, 7 months after my last email, I left him a message... Did I miss him? I was lost and everything was bland… I had gone to my swimming class in the morning… and out of the blue he came into my mind. I remembered that “playing games” with him made my day more interesting… This time I was Irina … I left my email …)


Guest Book,  Date: Sunday 04 February 2001, 11:07am

Passion...A lot...Truly a lot of passion...You...

I don’t know what you think about when you’re on stage...

You are High Energy!....

Kisses, Irina


Date: Monday,  05 February 2001,  04:31pm  Subject: “Guest Book”

Hello Irina,

Your words in my guestbook touched me. Currently I’m recording a new CD, in Paris again and will be heading to Germany shortly, but I couldn’t help reply to you personally. In fact, I don’t know what moves me on stage… simply the desire to be my fans’ mirror.

Where are you from? What do you do? I’d like to know more about you. A kiss

(He replied to Irina, but I didn’t reply)



(I left this message and an email address. This time I was Suzette and also Marlene...)


Guest Book,  Date: Thursday,  17 May 2001

Suzette   10:06pm

You the Enigmatic....

Words... words... words......Your words…… enigmatic……

I don’t know what I’m saying.........

But here everything feels good....... I love you! A big kiss, Suzette


Marlene  10:11pm

I also want you.... forget the others …  

How are you going to decide? So many messages...

You don’t know me.... I’m naughty….I’m devilishly dreamy

But you’re unreachable, right? That’s ok... I also come from the Moon

A sky full of stars for your group of fans and you too, kisses. Marlene



(He replied to Suzette and Marlene practically at the same time)

Date: Wednesday, 23 May 2001


Thanks Suzette for your lovely words and silences ....

Tell me about yourself. Where do you live? What do you do? What song is inside you? A kiss



Thanks for your words, Marlene.

I’m here. Reachable, with each word of yours.

Tell me about yourself. A kiss

10:34pm,  Reply from: Suzette

Hello! I’m surprised that you wrote me! I still find it impossible that it’s really you!... I live near Coimbra and work. I don’t have any particular song in me.

Sometimes I’m a sex addict. Besides that, I´m normal.

You may not believe this but I’ve only ever had one boyfriend and I think that it was my fault that he became anemic. Then, I got tired of him... The relationship seemed to be going nowhere.... always the same thing... the same sexual positions.

The way that I am, I’m surprised I haven’t got a new boyfriend by now.

Let’s talk about you: How are you in regards to sex? Place? Positions? Likes? Do you usually talk when you do it or not? Do you like to see her in lingerie or do you prefer it when she’s completely naked? Do you like aggressiveness?... If yes, on your part or hers?

I’m not good at writing long texts and beautiful poems.

I hope you write me. You don’t seem shy, so don’t let me down! Suzette



Date: Thursday, 24 May 2001       

03:48pm,   His response to: Suzette

Those questions are too personal to answer in an email. Any suggestion?

10:13pm,   Suzette’s response

Well... I was hoping you would come up with a suggestion...

A little reserved, no? Suzette



Date: Friday, 25 May 2001

03:17pm,  His response to: Suzette      

I would be happy to, and it would be my pleasure to answer all your questions personally. This, however, is not the best place to do it, although your questions are very suggestive and make one think of quite different moments. I will give you all the suggestions that your voice proposes and will be open to yours.

Have you got a cell phone number where I can contact you? A kiss


09:31pm,  Response from: Suzette   (I had a lot of fun writing this e-mail…)

Hello! Continuing my presentation...

I work in a sort of bakery/pizzeria. I just met twenty-year old twins… practically my age. I’ll be 20 years old soon. My work friend doesn’t believe that I could possibly meet you personally, on an intimate level. Meanwhile, she added that even if it were true, why would I want to? Why wouldn’t I just stick to guys my own age. She says that things with you will be limited and very quick, not even a one night stand… maybe just a few hours. She thinks that “those types of people” (artists! singers!) have sex with all and any type of woman. She says I wouldn’t even have a good time with you. According to her young guys are a much better choice.

Whatever the case may be, I haven’t got very nice clothes… like the expensive kind that would impress you and I also don’t have the body of a model. I think I’d probably feel more comfortable with one of the twins that I just met. They’re cute, and they’re identical! Maybe I could even go for both of them at the same time. This would probably make me a freak or naughty… I don´t care… Bye, Suzette



(Moments after my first email response to him as Suzette, I wrote to him. This time I wrote as Marlene replying to the email he sent her. This email thing is a hobby to him. I see it now. It was my fault that I took things so seriously… naïve? It looks like it. Now Marlene will step in! She is independent and in no way “obsessed” with him, if that’s what he wants… that´s what he’s going to get. Here she comes: Marlene!)

Date: Wednesday, 23 May 2001,  11:57pm,   Response from: Marlene C.

Here’s a little more about myself, like you had asked: of legal age, college graduate… Awaken hot stuff in me... and let’s see what else I can say about myself... Tell me a little bit about yourself. About love…

Have you ever really been in love? Is your heart free?

Just a question... do you want to meet? I’m not looking for anything serious.

The artistic world is like that: nothing serious, right? All pretend?...

I hope my straightforwardness doesn’t scare you off. Kisses, Marlene



Date: Thursday, 24 May 2001

04:11pm,  His response to: Marlene

You’ll get to know more about me than I could possibly write down here.

I’ll tell you anything you want to know, personally. What was your major?

You know, you may think so but an artist’s world is actually very serious and rigorous.

A kiss


11: 51pm,  Response from: Marlene

You want me to tell you more about myself?! Ok. I have a degree in biology.

I don’t really see you talking about yourself. Although in the email you sent you said you would tell me, if I were to ask you a more personal question about yourself.

You will probably change the subject and make some sort of face like “that’s not an appropriate question”. Typical in men!

So that I don’t make a fool of myself, I'll be straight with you and tell you that I am certain that you are replying to me via email, just like you must most certainly reply to who knows how many women. Not to mention the woman you were with yesterday... or are going to be with tomorrow or whenever. Where is the serious in this? 

So, I’m going to be honest with you. I’m not going to get myself involved romantically with you and then end up suffering for you or running around after you waiting for you to give me an answer or believing that you’re going to tell me anything worthwhile about yourself... I repeat: With you, it’d simply be a fling – no romance involved. Any problem with that? Or would you prefer it if I idiotically pretend and send you romantic poems? 

Be brief and non-offensive. I was upfront and that’s not being offensive, right?             



Date: Friday, 25 May 2001,   03:49pm,   His reply to: Marlene

I liked reading you. I’ll tell you about myself personally, verbally. Have you got a cell phone number where I can reach you?  I’ve never written offensive emails… A

(I didn´t reply to him)

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