Chapter 5

"MORGANA"

 

Poem 37

Lost and Disappearing

 

The body slides into the water, Sinks in the water, The water rises, There is music, The sound of music, Well over the permitted volume, Lost and disappearing, To the world, I close my eyes and sink, A bath, With perfumed flowers throughout, Odors reminiscent of desires,  Passionate desires, Desires to lose myself in you, Desires for an irresistible passion, Doomed to feel this also in eternity, Damnation… Lost and disappearing, To the world, I close my eyes and sink, A bath, With perfumed flowers throughout, Odors reminiscent of desires, Passionate desires, Desires to lose myself in you, Desires for an irresistible passion, Doomed to feel this also in eternity, Damnation… I have wish list…

 

Poem 38

Ideas

 

You have new ideas?! Typical, Prepare, aim and shoot new ideas! I also have an idea! Let’s go out a bit, You say: “Go out a bit?! What an idea!!  Mine is better! We can do more, I want to give you some ideas, To put into action”, On the walls, You put erotic paintings, On the floor, Luxurious carpets, The paintings are really erotic! Music resonates exotic sounds, The atmosphere points to the sky! You say: “Go out a bit?! What an idea!!  Mine is better! We can do more, I want to give you some ideas, To put into action”, You show me the Kamasutra and the idea…

 

Poem 39

Vampire of Emotions

 

Vampire of emotions, Emotions, You strip me, You take everything from me! I decorated my hair, Magnolias, violets, lilies, You messed up my hair with zeal, Your powerful hands, Make me delirious, Envelop me, You lay me on the floor, And then...

 

Poem 40

Curse

 

When you kiss me, I give hints, I want you to continue, You kiss me, When I stop, You grab my hair, Pull me to your mouth, In my free time, I with nothing to do, Think of your kisses, And the curse appears, This physical reaction!

 

Poem 41

Tra –la-la

 

tra-la-la-la-la-la-la, Hm?! Is my music annoying you? tra-la-la-la-la-la-la, Endure a little more!... I’m coming! tra-la-la-la-la-la-la, I’ll be right there! tra-la-la-la-la-la-la, I Heard you…! Endure a little more…! tra-la-la-la-la-la-la, Kiss my neck! Kiss me... Keep kissing me… Hum...I can hardly say... tra-la-la-la-la-la-la, Hum...

 

Poem 42

I’m Going to Be a Nun

 

You thought of me in your own way, You saw me in your own way, You liked me in your own way, No big story here, Thinking in my own way, It was zero plus zero, Thinking in my own way, And liking my own way, I like Him, I’m going to be a nun, Are you astonished?! I’m going to be a nun! I’m going to blink, To stop that look of astonishment, I’m going to be a nun! Please, Stop with that astonished look!

 

Poem 43

Mess Me Up

 

Help me to relax, Then find me something better, Pain and fury, I feel worse than you can imagine, Come and get me, We all must die one day, But I yell: Sh*t to death, Let´s mess around to some beautiful place!…

 

Poem 44

Death Kills

 

Death kills, Love loves, I want a world away from this world, Kiss me repeatedly, Between moans, Sadness is sad, What was lost, Doesn’t always returns, To indifference nothing matters, Desire desires quickly, Emptiness has nothing, The incalculable, Seems to have everything, Kiss me repeatedly, Between moans…

 

Poem 45

O.G.K.

I’m going to be straight  with you, Therefore this letter, I am in an O.G.K. situation, According to you, I'm just stressed out, Only God knows, How I’ll get out of this O.G.K. situation, I felt your threat of abandon, Where shall I go? Only God knows, I run away from you, Everything was a boat without oars, You took me to half half moons, You took me nowhere, You took me to things that I didn’t ask to exist, The void took control, You took me there, And to O.G.K. situations, Only God knows, How I’ll get out of this O.G.K. situation, Only God knows, Will you understand one gram, Of the weight of these written words? Will you understand even one milligram? One more O.G.K situation! Only God Knows! You thought of me as imperfect, You know, You are a cheap sloppy copy, Goodbye! Goodbye O.G.K situations, Do you know what love is? In you, There´s only lie, ego, pride and manipulation, I give you back to you! Go! If possible, against a wall!

 

Poem 46

I search for you

Yesterday I searched for you, In the wishes I made for my future, Today I search for you, Still in the expectations of the future, Tomorrow if I still search for you, I will have no faith in the future, I search for you… I search for you, The pursuit is long, Centuries, Centuries ago, By you I was found, By you I was loved, Early I was taken from you, On my grave, We vowed to return, I search for you, You exist in my heart, I search for you, This feeling is desperate, I search for you, The pursuit is long, When I see you, I will feel that I know you, I will feel… I will know… That is you…

 

Poem 47

Spirit

 

My spirit wanders, Over a bonfire, I am loved by fire, Life! Divert me! Divert me to dream, My spirit continues to roam, I run, I Run, I don’t know where! I am loved by the unknown, Life! Divert me! Divert me to dream, My spirit does not rest, Over stones I am, In the midst of the ocean, I am loved by madness!  Life! Divert me! Divert me to dream, The alarm clock rings, The spirit returns to the body, I return to life, I feel everything is crooked, I don’t feel loved by life, Life! Divert me! Divert me to dream…

 

Poem 48

Number Thirteenth

We desire romance, Happiness, A university degree, A job, Money, We desire, We desire a lot, We desire everything in any age, Is number Thirteen, bad luck? How long will love last? How long will things last? Does bad luck exist? How long will love last? How long will things last? We fear the losses, Betrayals are losses, Distrusts are losses, Separations are losses, We grow up with the thinking habit, Of things being perfect, If only things are perfect! Is number Thirteen, bad luck? How long will love last? How long will things last? Does bad luck exist? How long will love last? How long will things last? We have beliefs and pleasures, We feel perturbed, Society tries to make our mind, With the perfect little life of theirs, They insist, Although they do not know, How long will love last, How long will things last, How long will their certainties last… They do not know, They know only what they know, And it´s their goal in life, To make me know only what they know, Do they know I won´t follow them?

 

Poem 49

Problems

 

You suffer, Unlocking the pain you need, If someone gets close, You attack, Handle pain differently, Be sincere! Say: “I have a problem, I don’t know if I want you to listen to me, Give me an advice, Or a big hug!”

 

Poem 50

Iron on Coals

 

With my feet, The bedroom wall, I try to push, In a big wooden bed, I am lying, “What do I think about sex?” –you ask, Iron on coals! Your skin burns me, More than iron on coals, I hear my heartbeat, I smile like a little devil, Without prayer, A little devil without prayer, You say you want to penetrate all of my pores, I hear my heartbeat, Everything in me is pure desire, But I see myself say to you: “My toes are watching you, Through torn socks, Uh...Uh...hello!”

 

Poem 51

Soft Lips

 

IDs, I don’t have at midnight, At midnight, We turn off the alarms, After midnight, We steal love, In all parts of the body, My soft lips, Possess you, We become like, Sex and love without shame…

 

Poem 52

With You

 

My desires, I’m not going to whisper, As if it could embarrass me, With you I’m who I want to be, With you I have what I want to have, With you…

 

Poem 53

Ways of Being

 

My way of being, I learned from no one, My way of being, May agree or not, With other ways of being, To some beings, I would call equal, Living our ideas, Is a way of being, Don’t take me to bed, I may not have strength after, To get up, Some ways of being, Are increased or decreased, By the way others see them, No way of being, Is more important, Just because it is the more acceptable way of being, Each way of being, Should let be, The other way of being, Don’t take me to bed, I may not have strength after, To get up, That lack of strength may come, From the lack of desire in me, To get up, To face the ways of being of the world, Don’t take me to bed, Take me to infinite love…

 

Poem 54

Oh, Yes!

 

You can stop, Being interested quickly, For everything which lies in front of you, When only I interest you! You can take me, To learn new things, That will impress me, And maybe shock! You can drive, Opposite of me, You can melt down, Everything that guides my life, You can be intolerant with me, Even knifelike when, I don’t do everything you dream, At that moment! I like you so much, That I could appeal, “Oh…yes! Oh...yes! Fuck my whole life up! I’ll let you! Oh...yes! Fuck my whole life up! Oh...yes! Love me!”, You can be harmful, To my state of mind! Radioactive, even! “Oh…yes! Oh...yes! Fuck my whole life up! I’ll let you! Oh...yes! Fuck my whole life up! Oh...yes! Love me!”

 

Poem 55

Restroom

 

I fall back, I fall! I started to search for you, Inside yourself! I started to search for you, Outside your physical body, And I finally found your real self, I fall back! Because everything, I had already changed to please you, Everything I had already changed, I hit high and low! I became bossy to myself! Just to please you! Where is the restroom? I have to vomit! I have to empty myself, Of my excesses! Where is the restroom? In a dreamland I was living, I loved to look at you, I watched you dreamingly, Without interruption, You were always in my mind, But obviously, I fell in reality, I fell on the ground, Like one who lands, In a burning airplane, Where is the restroom? I have to vomit! I have to empty myself, Of my excesses! Where is the restroom? Am I embarrassing you? Let me shout! Where is the restroom?

 

Poem 56

Nobody Climbed There

 

You are asking for forgiveness, Forgive and everything will be as before, Nobody can, No one climbed that high, Except God, You dare ask me for forgiveness, I am not the same person anymore, If you were my reason to live, Now I´m not so sure of that, Do I know you? Forgive and everything will be as before, Nobody can, No one climbed that high, Except God, You want forgiveness, But what do you really want? Do you feel alone? You never forget yourself, do you? You insist on asking for forgiveness, Your mistakes were annoying, terrible and a headache to me! You won´t change…

 

Poem 57

Straight Ahead

 

Pain Is felt before being understood, I don’t want to eat anything, I don’t want to drink anything, I don’t want to know anything, Nothing of love, Nothing of passion, Get out of my way, My path now, Is straight ahead, Here it is what life wants to say, About love, When you want to drink, Life will offer you vinegar, When you want to eat, Life will offer you rocks, When you want to know, Life will offer you emptiness, Get out of my way, My path now, Is straight ahead, Of course love, Is not so dramatic, Of course there are happy endings! But in any case... Get out of my way!

 

Poem 58

What Did You Dream?

 

The days are nights without moonlight, Days are days, Bound to a cross, Sorrow continues, Bound to places, Bound to memories, What is love? It was a dream, I woke up, “What did you dream? What did you dream?”, Eyes are staring, The cold shadows, I made a pit, There I put pain, I cover it so pain cannot be seen, I buried love ten thousand feet under me, But it is still alive, It keeps breathing, What is love? It was a dream, I woke up, “What did you dream? What did you dream?”

 

Poem 59

Naked and Disheveled

 

I locked the door with a key, The key I threw it away, Without looking, To some place else, I am, Naked and disheveled, In my room, A river flows, It’s breeze blurs the mirror of my image, I cannot see myself, I am, Naked and disheveled, Trapped in these feelings I am, Devoted to these feelings I am, Feelings that cannot be measured, weighed or seen, Because they are ghosts, They have no moderation! They are big! I´m fed up with them! This is not bad, But it could be so much better!

 

Poem 60

I´m Fine

 

How am I? I´m fine! Full of illusions, I´m Ok! How am I? I´m fine! I love you, You love me, It’s all an illusion, In truth we do not know, We don’t know how to love, Illusions are what we have, He who says not to have them, Lives in the illusion, They call me deluded! Who are these people? Shitty people pretending not to have illusions? Or simply people deluded that they are not shitty? Calling me deluded is not nice! God likes to turn reality into illusion, And deluded dreams into reality, God likes to mock non deluded people…

 

Poem 61

Wild Flowers

 

The day to day is ordinary, Throws me down the stairs, My dreams become blank, No value I see, I drown in the everyday commonalities, The one that flees from utopia,  My hair, Wild flowers, My palaces, Wild flowers, My visions, Wild flowers, goddess I am, The everyday mediocrities, That which makes of many a herd, That which has no utopia, Strangles me with its wires, The everyday mediocrities, Mimics the grandeur, Wearing a dust mask, For its mimics are made of dust, Dust, the substance which disappears in a bad, rainy day, Its mask falls before despair, misery and other doom days, The mimic of grandeur disappears, Only truth remains, Wild flowers…

 

Poem 62

Impenetrable

To those who are dangerous, When we are already scared, We shout our outrage, We shout our tiredness! “NO way! You can’t fuc* with me! You will never ever fuc* me! I am impenetrable... Impenetrable! Choose another person or fuc* alone!”, To those who have a full safe, Full of opportunism and tricks, To those who do evil, To those who do nothing against evil, To those who do no evil nor good, With wicked charm they deny us wonderful things, We shout our certainty! “NO way! You can’t fuc* with me! You will never ever fuc* me! I am impenetrable... Impenetrable! Choose another person or fuc* alone!”, To those who push crowds in directions, That they themselves will not follow! To those with bad character! To those who use perfume on the outside, In the form of beautiful words, To hide their stink! To those who destroy truth! To those who say, We have no proper manners! We shout in a good proper manner, Loud and clear! “You can’t fu*k with me! You will never ever fuck me! I am impenetrable... Impenetrable! Choose another person or fuc* alone!”

 

Poem 63

Always Together

 

I am a witch, I predict! Always together! We will be! My long hair I wrap around you! I am a bandit! I possess you illegally!

 

Poem 64

You Want Me

           

Don’t see me as a stranger, I am part of you, I am you, I want you…

 

Poem 65

Bellissimo

           

Why did I not see you like I see you now?! Am I smarter now? Shall I search for a new love? Shall I date around? How many mismatches, Before love happens? Searching again! For a new love! Bellissimo! This time with less enthusiasm, Searching again! For a new love! Being found, I would prefer, For example, Your car, Crashing into mine! Destiny!

 

Poem 66

Just a Man

 

You are just a man, Just a man who kisses ok, You no longer despair me, Your absence does not despair me, Your absence is now a habit, Which caused me to lose the habit of despairing for you, Now in no way do you make me despair, Now you are just a man…

   

        

Poem 67

Enslavement

           

You drink the blood, Of my soul, Meanwhile, You don’t feed me, Nor let me feed myself, I can’t say no to you, You throw me to the floor, You enslave me, From your hand, Comes darkness, My blood I poisoned, Being that you feed yourself from it, You killed me, My blood I poisoned, Being that you feed yourself from it, I will kill you…

 

Poem 68

Steel Toes

 

I still feel a little like yesterday, I am ok, But not by love’s choice, I am fine, Because I decided to be so, Love, Echoes of the word love I receive, My body still remembers you, Actually everything is bad, It feels so bad and so wrong, But I am ok, I feel good, That no one, Should interfere with the decision, Of my being good, No one should interfere with that! Because... watch out! I have high heeled boots, Steel toed boots, Watch out... I can injure... Addicted to love… Go to hell!

 

Poem 69

The Way

 

Losing me the way you lost me, Only truly losers like you, Would undervalue me, And let me go, You lost me the same way, That you lose in life, Thoughtlessly, You laugh while you are losing, You are a loser, With a capacity for losing, You laugh while you are losing, I'm glad you let me go away, For those who live with losers, Also are transformed into losers, I was being sucked by your ungrateful soul, You made me feel constantly like a loser, Losing you, Was gaining life…

 

Poem 70

Hidden

 

Darkness went to the night, Hasn´t gone yet, Until it does, Love is hidden, The moon doesn´t shed light upon the clouds, But Hope becomes stubborn and wants to live, And pearls roll without destiny, If it´s true that destiny exists, Pearls roll without destiny, I make a statue, Of volcano ashes, Mixed with lava, It’s man, And pearls roll without destiny, Just like a hidden love, Pearls are rolling… lost and free…

 

Poem 71

Tempest

           

Lightening, Thunder, Gale winds, Hurricanes, All in the ocean, I am the ocean, Peaceful I was, The climate changed, An ocean of storms I became, Grandiose-splendid-magnificent-wonderful-superb projects, Projects of happiness destroyed, To forget how destroyed I am, A tempest I became, An ocean of storms I became, I felt fear, Whirlpools of fear, Made of me this turmoil, In which everything will change... 

 

Poem 72

Itch

           

Convince yourself that, My itch, Is simply in one foot nowhere else! Itch... simply in one foot! In no other part am I itchy! So... don’t try to take my itch, To where it doesn’t exist! Stop that! There is no other itchy part in my body besides my foot! Your itchy desires…

 

Poem 73

My Best Lover

           

I let my hair down, I grab the champagne, I let myself go, I hold my best lover, Untiring as before, I give myself to him in happiness, I give myself to him in sadness, I like him, I love him, I love how he softens me, I love how he dissipates my aggressiveness after a bad day, My best lover, Us two, At once, All the barriers, In every way we break, Forbidden is to belong to someone else, Forbidden is to belong to someone else, My best lover, My car…

 

Poem 74

Zigzags

           

I’m fed up with complications, There are many complicated people, But its funny, I seem to be the only one, Who is fed up with it, It’s funny, I’m going in zigzags, Trying to run, From complicated people, And from complicated jokes, And you my love, Just give me more complications, With you I also go in zigzags, I need to walk in a straight line…

 

Poem 75

Laughing

           

When I met you, With sad memories of another past I was, Looking to get out of my state of mind, Loving you I wanted, To go through life without be hurting again, I wanted, But you were there! You were there to give me in the future, Again a sad past to remember, Better to have a crazy life without you, Rather than with you! Since abnormally crazy you make me act!! This is too much! It´s getting worse! Aha, aha, aha... This is awesome! Let me laugh! Let me laugh!

 

Poem 76

Punch

 

If you find me around, Don’t give me those eyes, I'd rather see you pretend you don´t know me, A life of faking it, You can take it, So take this, Pretend you don’t know me, This is not me pretending, This is my punch, My punch against you great pretender! An image you pretended, So good was I in believing what I saw, Everything in you interested me, Later I understood, For you appearance is everything, You simply projected an image, Inside you are empty, You pretend, Because you are empty, A life of faking it, You can take it, So take this, Pretend you don’t know me, This is not me pretending, This is my punch, My punch against you great pretender! You are a make-believer! Knowing you was not enough to turn me into a faker like you! You eat chicken but say you eat lobster with caviar... Poor thing!

 

Poem 77

Frequently Used

 

Love is frequently used, By fools, To make of others fools, By those morons, We are led to think, That love is foolish, When one thinks that love, Will last forever, One finds a jerk, That shows us, That only foolishness exists in love, And foolishness is all there is, Love is frequently used, By fools, To make of others fools, I say no to you!

 

Poem 78

You Did Not

“For what the body, If not to wear it out?!” you would say, You did not say, But to love you didn’t want, You called this your freedom, You did not say, Because if you had said, I would have said, Fu*k you! Go to hell! I’m going to the disco!

 

Poem 79

One of Us

 

I was certain, One day, One of us, Would go, Several times in a row, I said that I would go, When I said such, Lonely I felt, But you deserve to be alone, Alone on an far-off deserted island, Alone with yourself, Bye! Hasta la vista!

 

Poem 80

First Time

 

This song, Speaks of blows to the heart, Speaks of love, Speaks of giving, And taking blows, This is not the first time, That love is like this, Love will always be like this, Love hurts, Like punching a wall, I bleed, Without love I cannot live, Without giving and receiving blows, Blows make me feel alive, But that´s so wrong, Punches are not kisses, The enlightened don’t understand anything about punches,  I want to be an enlightened one, Only kisses, peace, love and birds singing!

 

Poem 81

Say it!

 

Are you sure about that? So say it, I promise to be, To be even more, More interested, In what you’re going to say, Say it! You want to fight my failures?! Ah! I see, My achievements are never quite enough for you, are they? You have to say it! You have to yell! My choices must be amended, adjusted, corrected and reviewed! You’re speaking of some choice of mine or all of them? Try to change me if you can! You mean you have a vision?! A strategic vision for my future?! Say it! Don’t forget what you’re about to say, Because right after, You’re going to pay me a vacation!

 

Poem 82

Won’t Do

I walk in the rain, I am out of control, Without noticing my clothes are wet, My skin is coated in water, My eyes are saturated with water, You erase the many sorrows, When you kiss me, But this time I know that... This won’t do! I’m at the wheel, I am out of control, Without noticing, I drive madly, I drive for hours, It’s night, You erase the many sorrows, When you kiss me, But this time I know that... This won’t do! I stop on a road, I don’t know if it is familiar, I think I don’t want you anymore, But I despair, Because I still want you, I don’t understand myself! Maybe I have a brain sickness! No worries, it will heal itself!

 

Poem 83

Starting

You’re starting to annoy me… you’re starting to annoy me... yes… are you surprised? Oh! Please, do not sulk!

 

Poem 84

Bastard

Don’t say that I suffer for you and I like it! Bastard!

 

Poem 85

I Asked

You hid behind the absence of response, I felt it insufficient, I asked you, I asked for and didn’t get, You don’t want to hurt with words, You prefer your attitude?!  I´ve got your number! Who doesn't know you yet, should stay with you!

 

Poem 86

Everything

I am tired, I sleep, I sleep, So as not to think, In these weeks of nothingness, But sleep seems like daytime noises, I can´t sleep, Weeks have passed! What will the weeks give me? My hope was always hopeless, My hope could do nothing, To change you for better, You always kept equal to yourself, My hope always lost, I must change hope’s name right now! From now on it will be called “Memory Erase”! Whoa! Everything feels so much better now! What a relief!

 

Poem 87

I Sing

 

I sit on the sand, I look at the sun, At night I am a mermaid in the moonlight, I sing, I sing to the moonlight, Waiting in a corner of life, Waiting for magical worlds to appear to me…

 

Poem 88

Say

 

The great depth of the void, I have nothing to say to you, All passions are a prison, Most of the times, One on the inside, The other on the outside, Now I´m on the outside, I wish you to meet the void, Cry out loud as much as you can, The void has a great depth, No one will hear you… 

 

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