Chapter 5

NIRIA ONMAN

Poem 89

Mainly

 

So many people... mainly… the same… there also exist others the same as me… wandering souls in this world... hoping that one day… Heaven let them in…

 

Poem 90

Lack

 

It is sad... Of the love which was given nothing was leftover to return, No leftovers… The lack of love can be replaced by what? I can’t see, In any direction... Altitude or attitude... Everything gone...

 

Poem 91

Peanut

 

I don’t know what you think, Of the origins of the universe, But you think you are the universe! You think you are my universe, Even while eating peanuts, You continue with that unrealistic idea, That you are a universe! The Lord of all the Worlds! Even while eating peanuts! You think you are a king! Why not think, you are a Messiah?! Then you could contemplate showing me paradise! You are a happy universe, You are a happy Lord of all the Worlds, The origin of your happiness, Is I, You want me to live for you alone, My goals should be your goals alone, You want the power over my life, You decide and so shall it be, That´s what you think! Even while eating peanuts, You continue with that unrealistic idea, That you are a universe! The Lord of all the Worlds! Even while eating peanuts! Of everything that gets close to me, You are jealous…. Eat your peanuts!

 

Poem 92

So Far Away

 

We have left the good, And are now, Entering the bad, We are distancing ourselves, We are getting closer to the usual routine of life: error, I gave up on you, I have no time for measuring how much you didn´t give me, I´m using my time to keep running from you, I´m committed to increasing the distance, I run, I run so far away…

 

Poem 93

Name

 

When living, You become dependent, To live, You must be dependent, If you live, Then you are dependent, Life is a toxic dependence, Life has a name: “Happy Doom”? You depend on your hopes, Or the hopes of someone else, You depend on your state of mind, Or the state of mind of someone else, You depend on your blood, Or the blood of someone else, You depend on your words, Or the words of someone else, You depend on yourself, Or of someone else, You depend, depend, depend… when you die you depend on someone to bury you… After that your dependencies are over!

 

 

Poem 94

You

 

When I think of you, I forget the superior part of my body: My head, Subjugated by the memory of you, Always you in my mind! A true love, Equal to or larger than this, Will I have in life again? Of course! I deserve this and much more!

 

Poem 95

Reality

 

What is reality? It’s living to breathe pain? What is fantasy? Merely thoughts that give you a good vibe? What is drama? Is filling ones lungs with  what? Call it what you want, Show me nice things! Right now! Thank you!

 

Poem 96

Smashing Fantastic

 

I was already hoarse, From shouting so much, To destiny, That the time had come, To find my love! I was already hoarse, From shouting so much, To destiny, That the time, Had come, You appeared! And everything, became so much better!  A kind of smashing fantastic better! I couldn't apart pain from rebellion, The “belief in love” thing, No longer existed in me, So I wanted to steal happiness, So no one could be happy… I was really screwed!

 

Poem 97

Habit

 

You can never get enough, And life gets filled with useless things, I have the habit to fill the void of the day, In the void so many things fit, There´s so much room… Including rubbish, silliness, dizziness, nonsense… Emptiness must be filled... Hello!

 

Poem 98

Pop

 

Click, Click, Click, The cork of the bottle of stupidities, Is about to pop, Here goes one, “Honey... do I look pretty?”, Love suits me well!

 

Poem 99

Better and Improved

 

I don’t want to criticize, I want to praise love! For this I need, A new love and improved! A better version of love! It could also be better and more, ok love destiny? Are you listening?

 

Poem 100

So Full Of Yourself

 

In your mind you are the best, You have it all, I was the needy and starving one, Like a parasite, You got stronger, I was alone, You rescued me, Not because of the love you gave me, But because of the problems you gave me, Because of them I forgot my solitude, The problems you gave me were good company, I was no longer alone, The sky above, And I below, My company: the problems, You... so full of yourself, I became dejected, Through that dejected path I went, Long days and nights of insomnia, I still haven’t gotten out of it, What to do to help myself?! Well… how about screaming loud music? Let´s!

 

Poem 101

Mad Mix

 

Life is a mad mix, Constantly twirling,  And never knowing, Which was her best side, A mix of sides is life, A mix of good and bad, Love appears somewhere in the mix, Life is long, Which the clock counts down, I will die one day, Every day is a subtraction, And when there is an addition, It is an addition of subtractions, Life is a mad mix, Love appears somewhere in the mix, The bad side of good, The good side of bad, Life is a crazy mix, Additions of subtractions, Now I do not even love myself, But tomorrow I will be better,  I must be better, Before the day when we all shall meet, The eternal time, Called death, I will die, But mad mix will live forever, Others will be born! They will make mistakes! They will probably call life a mad mix…

 

Poem 102

Luck

 

Can it be, That my luck, Brings me good luck, If a clover of four leaves I find? Can it be, That my good luck rids me, From bad luck, If I am happy?

 

Poem 103

Appendix

 

You are a crooked ruler, If I guide myself by you, I end up making a fool of myself, As if someone had thrown a pie in my face, I hope it’s apple pie, Or strawberry pie! Your ability to love me, Is an appendicitis! It hurts! You are an appendix! I can cut you out of me, Because you are dispensable! I can live without appendix! Look at the quality of this poem!... About appendixes!... I am sitting on the couch? And you?

 

Poem 104

Abyss

 

From the deep, From the abyss, I called for you, And not for God! You answered, The generosity of your love, Shone like gold, But broke like glass, When I heard your voice, It seemed gentle, But it was simply I, Seeing what I wanted to see, From the deep, From the abyss, I called for you, And not for God! You answered, But abyss, Attracts abyss, And my solitude attracted an abyss: You

 

Poem 105

Happiness

 

I closed myself in a new prison, One of dreams of love, The old prison didn´t let happiness get in, This new one doesn´t let happiness get out, It's good to be childish ...

 

Poem 106

I am

 

I am, Your unconventional dimension! I am, Your enormous fear, Of losing me! I am I! Your loved one! In truth! Today I’m convinced I’m hot!

 

Poem 107

Easy

 

Ah! I forgot to tell you, I’m seeing someone else, In the easy thing which is sex! And in the difficult thing which is love too! This is just to bother you! Maybe I’m not seeing anyone!

 

Poem 108

They Faint

 

Some people seem like plastic flowers, They don´t need food, It´s enough for those plastic flowers to be, In well decorated jars and quiet lives, Others are living flowers, They Faint! Need food, light and emotion! They faint! If the futile, banality or mediocre meet, These vivid flowers want an exciting and vibrant life! They cannot stand being in this world otherwise, Life seems so unjust, For those who feel emotions intensely, A simple pain, Is felt constantly and intensely, How lucky are those bizarre people, Who seem like plastic flowers, In well decorated jars and quiet lives! And emotions under control!

 

Poem 109

Get Out

 

I survived, Not thinking, About my reality, Whose name is not love, Nor not-love? I don’t know its name, I don´t want it in my life, One more day telling myself: “Get out of here! You don´t belong here!”, The smiles of the world I saw, Smiling like these smiles I wanted, Copy their smile I tried, I think I was not good enough, Because they didn’t smile back at me, One more day telling myself: “Get out of here! You don´t belong here!”, I take time understanding, The people I meet, I take time understanding their ugly side, I even followed their habits, But I didn’t understand them, They were happy and I was not, One more day telling myself: “Get out of here! You don´t belong here!”, Having an attitude, Is important! Mine is chasing after a life without problems! I don’t want a majestic life, I just want wonderful nice people, I just want one day, To be able to say to myself: “Stay here! You belong here!”

 

Poem 110

Iambo Iaina

 

It worries me to see fish in aquariums, Without their big house, With no freedom! It worries me! Iambo Iaina! Iambo Iaina! What does this mean: “Iambo Iaina!?” I don’t know! This doesn’t worry me, It worries me to see, The color of cement and brick, These hide nature as if she were unsuitable! It´s a great annoyance for brick and cement, That trees don’t open a way for them to pass, It´s obvious that trees must go down!  It worries me! Iambo Iaina! Iambo Iaina! What does this mean: “Iambo Iaina!?” I don’t know! This doesn’t worry me, It worries me to witness, The lack of pure water, Is this a sign of dried up intellect? It worries me! Iambo Iaina! Iambo Iaina! What does this mean: “Iambo Iaina!?” I don’t know! This doesn’t worry me, It worries me to see how you find a solution, The solution is set upon pills, The labels must be read, They warn of side effects, Who cares! Our life, Is already minor side!

 

Poem 111

Unbreakable

 

One day I perform all your wills, The next day you get tired, Of me not having my own will, What does not break? Unbreakable, Doesn’t exist! Everything breaks! My heart is broken, If I ever love again, It is because I am, Unbreakable! One day, I think I cannot live without you, The next day, I am certain, That I cannot live with you, One day, I orbit around you, Live only for you, The next day, I see that it really doesn´t make me worth more to you, What does not break? Unbreakable, Doesn’t exist! Everything breaks! My heart is broken, If I ever love again, It is because I am, Unbreakable! Other days, I swept the floor for you, Today is the day, I sweep you, From the floor that I stepped on because, You only know how to break my heart, And I don´t know how to break myself into pieces, Maybe because I am unbreakable…

 

Poem 112

Sea of Roses

 

In a carriage, drawn by flying horses, Let us go, We’ll tear down the stars, Amplify love, In the universe we draw, More waves of love, We fly, Over a sea of roses… Without thorns… Just petals… It’s fantastic! I think I drank too much!

 

Poem 113

Simply

 

I want to see and there is simply invisibility, I want certitude and there is simply probability, I want round and there is simply pointy, I want a lot and there is simply little, I want someone and there is simply an image of no one, I want to keep on moving and there is simply air to breathe, I want liberty and there is simply trampling, I want true love and there is simply drowning, I want shelter and there is simply the cold night, I want an ocean and there is simply a drop… But still I will live to be a winner!

 

Poem 114

Music

 

Music! You sing smiles into my life, I dance marvelous expressions in the air! Music you sing! Music! Music! There are so many things in this world in which we live in, Complex-distressful-worrying-disturbing things, And in our mind with those useless things we live, Things that aren’t even ours! But the world also has music! The music! Thank God! This world is safe from boredom!  Music! Shall we dance?

 

Poem 115

What do I do?

 

What do I do, When there the sun radiates? I sunbathe… I wear a hat… Nothing more…

 

Poem 116

Smelly

 

You’ve got, A stinky way of shutting up, Those who do not think alike!... You have heaps of stinking personality, And a way of shutting up, Those who do not think alike! You are really a stinky person!... No one can take your smell away… Put on some perfume!  

 

Poem 117

Wings

 

I bite pain, I fly over the ground, My wings divide the sea, The rage of my wings disintegrate the air into pieces, I can be your coach for a life with wings…

 

Poem 118

Thrilling Style

 

Problems?!  Problems don´t have control over us, Our destiny, Has the voice of our desire, Everything is under control! We don’t panic! We are large-minded, strong, lovable, warm-hearted, friendly, We have life inside us, We trust you, If you are a lie, It does not sadden us! We don’t panic! Hey... Are you ok? Be confident! Energetic! Have an overflowing energetic thrilling style! We live as if today were our last day on earth, But the last day it is not! There will be a tomorrow! We all will be here together having fun! Have an overflowing energetic thrilling style! Get up!

 

Poem 119

Eternally

 

The human being, Eternally in some kind of hopeless hunger, Eternally killing his starvation through abundance, Eternally organizing his beliefs through doubt, Forever sincere through hypocrisy, The human being lives intensely his eternal etceteras, It´s a shame that the human being is going to die one day… He is mortal…

 

Poem 120

Who Knows

 

I have pains, But they shall pass, However destiny has ways to turn my life, At times, Into an static frame, Ideas do not function, Love broken, And who knows what else! Destiny’s habit, To drive me to nil, Surpasses me! Nil is different from full, isn´t it? Does destiny not give me full, Because it is afraid that I will get indigestion?!

 

Poem 121

Penumbra

 

The penumbra has shadows, Wondering objects, Which are the true ones? Among them are some humans, These humans did not understand the question, Those are humans who think of themselves as objects, It is this way they exist in life, As objects, The other way they do not conceive…

 

Poem 122

Questions

 

Is the best way to overcome an obstacle to avoid it? Does pain forget to hurt someone? Asking to be loved has ever made someone be loved? Should love be avoided? Is it easier to leave love behind or leave hate? Should you love someone more than he deserves? How many explanations of truth are necessary for those who never believe? Unmoving beings like rocks, roads… are not intelligent, I am always in movement, Am I intelligent? What is this? What is that? Why don’t I shut up? I’m a blabbermouth! And you? What specimen are you?

 

Poem 123

Not Bad

 

No one gives you anything, Not even borrowed, Actually no one knows, If you’re sleeping well or not, Everyday more, Your hands rise to cover your face, You feel the madness in quantity and quality, It’s amusing, When you look at yourself in the mirror, You’re not even all that bad and even seem normal, Not bad…

 

Poem 124

Know Yourself

 

Don’t trust in anyone, To give you reasons, To be who you have to be, Don’t trust not even in yourself, Because even before the reasons existed, To be who you have to be, You already are, Know yourself, Know yourself, Do it! Put yourself into action! Write your own history! Sometimes you have a hard time showing yourself to others, And to yourself, But don´t follow the crowd just because you are afraid, The crowd is only a number in the crowd, Because even before the reasons existed, To be who you have to be, You already are, Know yourself, Know yourself, Do it! Put yourself into action! Write your own history! On your journey you will suffer, Impossible otherwise, No pain no gain, Don´t be afraid, Pain is just an emotion… A very strong emotion… Who wants soft emotions?

 

Poem 125

For free

 

Love is given for free, And given with peace, If someone fucks with your mind, It is not peace, Show that they may even fuck with your mind, But they will pay dearly! You don’t fuck for free! Problems also fuck and breed, Problems multiply themselves, You believe that tomorrow will be better, You love him so much, don’t you? It’s addictive how much you love him, It’s strong, You cannot free yourself, right? He knows that, Show that he may even fuck with your mind, But he will pay dearly! You don’t fuck for free! You feel alone, He calls you to life, You are wrong! You are hallucinating! The only thing you have left is yourself, For a long time, For a long time you have been alone… You always lived in turmoil, Learn to believe love is peaceful, Start by leaving him, your old life and your old self behind, Even if you think you cannot…

 

Poem 126

Paranoid Doubts

 

Your doubts, Make any place, In the world, Seem out of place, Your paranoid doubts, Make me, Go nuts! I’m going to erase, Your doubts, sick jealousies! I’m going to wear a badge, With the message “I’m always loving you, So I’m always busy, Finding myself in your arms”, I’m going to, Silence the world, For everyone listening to your doubts, And concluding that I am a saintly person, Please, press the OFF button!

 

Poem 127

Enemy

 

The way I see myself, Everything was taken from me, Taken to a place, So shattered, As I am enemy of myself, Everything was taken from me, But this is the best way, For me to exist, The best way to move on, Happiness would only have made me happy, Nothing more, Happiness would not push me, To pursue amazing worlds, I move towards incredible amazing marvelous worlds… So do not pity me…

 

Poem 128

I want

 

I want to run through the darkness of the woods, Quite safer than those eyes, That stir up the depths of my soul, Looking for weaknesses to diminish me, The fears I take along the way, Do not overcome me, But they bother me, Sometimes I wish to be like those, Who do not have sentimentality, They will never be happier, Or less happy, They are so-so, And since I can’t be like them, To them I want to say: Fuc* you!

 

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