Chapter 5

“SAINT”

 

 

Poem 1

Saint

 

Wake up, Go to the shower, Observe my body, Think of yours, Your body I understand, You I don’t, Not even with the help of imagination! Where did you come from with those bizarre ideas and the face of a saint? I like your absurdities, Let´s talk about them, Naked in bed waiting for you, You don’t let me touch you, When you can’t stand any more, Ask to assault you! Where did you come from with those bizarre ideas and the face of a saint? You touch me where you want, You like to begin in that area 100% sensitive, Then pretend to be insensible, Like one who isn’t interested, Put your head on my chest, While I’m feeling excited you…pretend to be asleep! Where did you come from with those bizarre ideas and the face of a saint? You say you’d like to film, Me with another...Sure…but could you stand it?! Where did you come from with those bizarre ideas and the face of a saint? I don’t understand you my pirate! The other day you had to skip out! Taking all my clothes from the hotel! You wanted revenge! In the end you were jealous of the footage between me and the other!

 

Poem 2

I Want What I Give

 

I saw you, Wanted to wrap you in me, You say now without me, You don’t feel good, You feel…angry with this world, You make of me another world, Where you feel good, Where you liberate yourself well, I give you love, I want what I give, Love I Love you, I ask you, Transpose my body, Enter my spirit, Feel my sacrifices, Understand my fears, See my secrets, Give yourself to me, Without an end, Without reservations, I give you love, I want what I give, Love I Love you, I want fire gestures, Absorb my body in your fire, Love I Love you…

 

Poem 3

I Scorn

 

I have doubts about myself, I know a lot about a lot of things, But knowledge is not very useful, At this moment, I don’t know what is important in this life, I scorn, A lot of what I saw, I scorn, Everything was only vulgar decoration, Everything was only vulgarity in disguise, Maybe I too, Use a mask to disguise, Maybe I hide myself from myself, Maybe I just want, What is important to others, It’s contagious, Money, Power, Sex and Manipulation, I scorn, A lot of what I saw, I scorn, Everything was only vulgar decoration, Everything was only vulgarity in disguise, Do you exist my love? Do you exist my love? I find all vein, Give me your devotion…

 

Poem 4
Inconstancy

 

The causes, Of my inconstancy, May simply be pauses, In the constant forms, Which I find arrogant, Not in others, But in myself, And only like this, Am I happy, I am life, Where everything is inconstant, But us two, Love loves constantly…Various things I experimented, Many I liked, Today I don’t know, When I touched you, I glimpsed in you, Another being, That also accidentally, Is inconstant, But us two, Love loves constantly…Through experience I know, Desires, Fears, Everything inconstant, At times even very, From your body clothes I want to remove, Strip you down, This is a constant habit, Us two, Love loves constantly…

 
Poem 5
Terrorist

 

You call me cowboy, Ask for a light, Want to light a cigarette, Ask me to grab the matches and light them, Making them scrape, On my cowboy boots, You are a terrorist! You have set your eyes on me, You want to shoot me, With love spell bullets! You want something from me…You want me to throw you, A lasso, To pull you up to me, You want me to rescue you from the monotony, You are a terrorist! You have set your eyes on me, You want to shoot me, With love spell bullets! You want something from me…You run barefoot on the grass, You're disobedient, Frequent the fights, You say of me, You don’t need, But fall upon me, When you strip, You have set your eyes on me, You want to shoot me, With love spell bullets! You want something from me…

 

Poem 6
Fear

 

I know I need you, I Know I want you badly, But I fear, I fear the psychological dependence, Is just bad for me, Because then comes the abandon, For me being unbearably dependent on you... I fear, Abandoning everything for you, I fear, Modifying myself, To the point of becoming disfigured, To later feel contempt, For missing, Everything, That I left for you, I fear the psychological dependence, Is just bad for me, Because then comes the abandon, For me being unbearably dependent on you... I fear, You will reveal yourself as incoherent, After having been servant, Of your intention, I do everything for the relationship to work, But I fear I am digging my grave, You will not defend me from myself, My psychological dependencies, Bother you, But you don’t help me, You want me dependent, It makes you feel strong...

 

Poem 7

Deep

 

You paint your body golden, You throw yourself into the lake, I feel I am drowning, In desire, It is a deep desire, I hold you captive in my body, I want you to see marvels, You feel my immensity, No sign of extinction, I am fire, Convert yourself to me, It is a deep desire, I hold you captive in my body, I want you to see marvels, My body, Locates parts of yours, That want me, And ask, Ask for more and more, It is a deep desire, I hold you captive in my body, I want you to see marvels…

 

Poem 8

Impressive Abuse

 

You like to abuse, And abuse again, New ways of abuse, You engineer, You give them real form and use, You don’t bother, To choose the right time, Worse than a crook, You practice on me, An impressive abuse, Not enough to be shocking, But still, Impressive! It has to be at your leisure, If I deny what you want, Saying there is no time, You react badly, Your obsessions came to stay, Be they what they may, All your desires, Need to be filled by me, And this is the way you think things should be, You practice on me, An impressive abuse, Not enough to be shocking, But still, Impressive! When I get confused, You ask me where is the abuse, You don’t understand that it is an abuse, Your obsession tell me to my face, Without sparing me, Everything that you think of me, I’m going to tell you now what I think, Have you ever thought of making more use, Of the sex? You insult me again, Saying what you think, It’s always the same form of abuse!

 

Poem 9

Days

 

I lay in bed, I toss and turn, The hours shoot like bullets, Over my head, Five o’clock in the morning, Still awake, I feel out of my mind, For several days the days have been like this, Terrible… What merit, Do the days have, If they are discredited? I want you to smile, You can be a woman, A friend, A job, A piece of news, Or nature, Everyday, I want you to smile, For several days the days have been like this, Terrible… And love? Well... did you never hear say, One bad moment doesn’t come alone? Maybe she is my love, Or perhaps just someone so that I don’t feel so alone, But she too, Does not seem well, For several days the days have been like this, Terrible… You want to know something? Screw it all! Screw it all! Screw it! Screw it!  I just don’t know how to screw these days...

 

Poem 10

Don’t Back Away

 

You have my naked body, Next to yours, It makes no sense, You look for other forms of relief, Give yourself to me, Naked, Naked of clothes and all the rest, And you shall have relief, Don’t back away, Don’t control yourself, Your body doesn’t oppose, Let it want me, Get closer, Put your lips on mine, Touch my skin, See the answer, To your questions, In my body, Don’t back away, Don’t control yourself, Your body doesn’t oppose, Let it want me, Fall into my arms, Shroud yourself in the flames, Let me leave my body, And enter yours, Observe our bodies, While we do it, Don’t back away, Don’t control yourself, Your body doesn’t oppose, Let it want me…

 

Poem 11

Prophecies

 

They prophesize that one day, I will be yours, You had faith in this prophecy, I was to be yours, Prophecies have flaws, Love does not, I am also a prophet, I will prophecies the following, Prophecies have flaws, Love does not, Prophecies have cracks, From which lies enter, The truth is slow, In covering those cracks, Prophecies have flaws, Love does not, Love, Is not only synonym to making love, Love is a word, That speaks of an act, That shows acts, That are love, Prophecies have flaws, Love does not…

 

Poem 12

Destroy

 

Inside I feel, Destroyed, Lost, Undone, Destroy, I must try to destroy, This state of being, I must find, I must find a path, To leave the path, I am on inside, I am like this because, Things I destroyed, Now I see, Are missing, What am I talking about? Have you never done what I did? Have you never destroyed? No? Then nothing else shall you know through me, You would not understand, Destroy, I must try to destroy, This state of being, I must find, I must find a path, To leave the path, I am on inside, You don’t understand me, My way of being will always be little known to you, With you at my side, I build my destruction, And because you don’t understand me, I can’t destroy the effect, That your banal normality has on me…

 
Poem 13
Heart

 

My heart, Deluded? No, My mind, Deluded? Yes, My heart always told me, Everything is possible, My mind doubted it, My Heart, In solitude remained with me, My mind went with the panic, The heart sees beauty, My mind sees danger, My heart has dedication, My mind says everything is vain, My mind, Unsatisfied and cranky, My heart is charm, My mind is karma…

 

Poem 14

Love and Coughing

 

Love! Drum rolls! You can’t play softer! Impossible to control! Unending noise! Flying high above! He who is not for love, Is against love, I am for love, But my love for you has just begun, And with less freedom, I already feel myself, This does not please me! Coughing and love, Impossible to contain, I have to obey! And I cough and love, Even unwillingly…

 

Poem 15

Monsters

 

So much attached to me, Sharp nails in the night, Pretending to be less sharp, But scratching evermore, Temptation, Sex and other pleasures, Smile at me frequently, A beautiful smile, Their insistence, Leave me restless, I ask myself, “What do you want from life?”, Questions there are, Which are monsters, They don’t rot, or sicken, The wind continues to blow, Temptation, Sex and other pleasures, Their smiles continues without shame, The wind blows, From the floor torn papers it raises, Lying on the floor I am, Distorted images I see, I ask myself, “What do you want from life?”, Questions there are, Which are monsters, They don’t rot, or sicken, I ask myself one more question, “Is it my duty to obtain answers? Or should I run far away, How to decide?”, Questions there are, Which are monsters, They don’t rot, or sicken…

 

Poem 16

You don’t even Notice

 

You don’t even notice that, Desire has been restrained for a long time, Growing more and more, Soon it will be unsupportable, And you always in the clouds! You don’t even notice, That I can’t turn off, This phenomenon, That you woke in me, You don’t even notice... You don’t even notice, That up to now, What you wanted to do, All the time, I let you do: “Walk in the clouds!” But the game, Just wakes me more, Being silly, Your desire, To constantly walk in the clouds, And so being always in the clouds, You don’t even notice, That I can’t turn off, This phenomenon, That you woke in me, You don’t even notice... You don’t even notice that, The clouds where you hide, Are not a safe hiding place anymore, There I go, Naked, I will hide myself in the clouds, Squeeze you in me, Until I squash all the clouds, And finally you will notice, I am completely naked!

 

Poem 17

I’m not harmless

 

It is a mistake, To love me, That mistake, Can lead you, To another mistake, In not believing in love, I am not harmless, I am not harmless, Don’t love me anymore, So as not to suffer more, Harsh roads your hope travels, The spiteful things I did will be undone, If I place my arms around you, Your hope in me will be renewed, But I am not harmless, I am not harmless, Don’t love me anymore, So as not to suffer more, Your wall of balance became unbalanced, Collapsed, The wall that separates your love from the truth you do not want to see, That separates love from what I am, That wall became unbalanced, Collapsed, You have to see that, I am not harmless, I am not harmless, Don’t love me anymore, I bring suffering to you, I am not harmless…

 

Poem 18

Care Less

 

The light of day has weakened, My thoughts of you have strengthened, They are so strong, Where are you? The day has died, The day could care less about, How bad living in the night can be, No one to save me, The night is dark and blind, I don’t see anyone, And no one sees me, The day which is full of light, Could care less about the night, No one to save me… I feel the closeness, Of emotion, Of tears, I feel in my hands, The war of the hour, I want you now, Without delay, Where are you? The day has died, The day could care less about, How insensitive the night can be, My eyes are, Tears of emotion, This is my state, Tattered, It makes me want, To love you always, Where are you? The day has died, The day could care less about, How tormenting the night can be…

 

Poem 19

With Myself

 

Being short, And brief, Goodbye! Until uncertainty reminds me to return! Goodbye, With myself I go! Almost exploding, Fury, Highway, Speed, I am ready for anything, I´m ready for the visible, And the invisible, Ready for what I know, And the unknown, Come what may, It can come! Without warning! I’m ready! Come with me!

    

       

Poem 20

This is the Time

 

It’s mine, All the madness, This is the time, Of sharing it in you, Making love, This is the time, To cast my eyes over, Your body, And we get there, Together, When day breaks, I will forgive the previous day, I will forget any negative, Invincible force, Making love, Is the only fight to remember, The fight to give you, All the love, Through my body…

 

Poem 21

In Hindsight

 

Obstacles exist, I´m also one of them, I am my own obstacle, In hindsight, I don’t know well, Where I want to sleep today, I don’t want to go home, I’m expecting someone, Still today, In a deeper hindsight, The problems, Not always, Are real, In hindsight, The solutions, Aren’t always exact, Still in hindsight, The pain, Is not always deserved, And in an even deeper hindsight, Only sometimes, Do things seem well, Do you know something?  I think I'll just sleep right here

 

Poem 22

Not for Long

Not for long, Do I forget the sex, Crazy the moon is not, Not for long, I loved someone, The rain falls normally, The ruby and the diamond, Are still expensive, Nothing will change, I wanted to change, I never loved someone for long... I´m weird

     

      

Poem 23

Yearning

 

Yearning, A deep solitude travels, Through my heart, How much more, Can I take? With no one do I want to speak, I hate not having you, I will not forgive you, If you don’t prove, You want me, I want you!

      

                         

Poem 24

Strength

 

Life, Has inside her, Human beings, Who inside her, Get canes, I am at the mercy, Of what you have to give me, I need strength, Given for one reason, To live for, I need a heart, That beats strong for me, It’s urgent, But more than urgent, Is to avoid this weakness, For I am at the mercy, Of what you have to give me, In me you try to find the strength, This frightens me, We are both searching for canes of support, I am at the mercy, Of what you have to give me, And you are at the mercy, Of what I have to give you,  If the cane breaks, There goes the support!

 

Poem 25

I Who Will Die

 

I who will die, Kiss you, I throw myself upon the sky, I who will die, I climb to the top of the mountains, Wanting and Obtaining, It is strong, Invincible, Frightening, Inevitable, It feels like death, The death of death…

 

Poem 26

Unwind

 

I want to talk, But I don’t know how to unwind this topic, I sung the pain, The desire, The love, The solitude, The sea, The sky, The passion, The sentiment, All of it, Numerous… Now, it’s your turn to talk, And unwind! Unwind! Gestures, images, words! Let me know you, Your sentiments, Unwind! Unwind! Unwind!

 

Poem 27

Solitude, Always

 

My eyes, Need to see you, Until I find you, It will be constant solitude, Always! Always expelling me from here, Always! Your absence, Will Always be, My absence of happiness, Until I have you by my side, The sound of your absence, Will come from everywhere, Descend on this poem, It will be constant solitude, Always! Until I find you, There will be solitude, I descend steps, I descend without hands, I descend without support, I descend... I descend thousands of steps, Destitute footsteps... I descend to depression, I’m missing you, Until I find you, Solitude, Always! What a drama king!

 

Poem 28

Trance

 

Penetrating feelings I give you, It’s not a dream, It’s a trance, On a journey I take you, In the consequences of my kisses, I kiss fantastically well, Don’t you agree?

 

Poem 29

Nothing is the same

 

A dancer, Of strip tease is life, She dances for you, She insinuates, She takes chances, She fascinates, She attracts you, Her movement takes your breath away, She rises in the air, She moves, With the body, Even if it, Has got no soul, And this is the feeling, Of nothing being the same, As what was wanted! There is a lot to do, Around there, When nothing is the same, As what was wanted, Good luck is attempted, Until it runs out, Danger, Mad sex, Sourness, Protrudes in the human voice, It wants everything, Just as it imagined it, But nothing is the same, As what was wanted, Little comprehension, Big whys, And this is, The feeling, Of nothing being the same, As what was wanted, I feel my mind badly fuc**d!

 

Poem 30

I Reach Out

 

The force of despair, I reach out, And ask for your help, This miserable, Pain I have, I reach out, And ask for your help, In this strange land, Everything remains, In it remain the lost ones, I remain reaching out, I reach out, And ask for your help, I need to be loved, Before even finding, Someone to love…

 

Poem 31

Insecurities

 

I love you, And the insecurity, Of not having you one day, Makes me love you even more, With you I want to experience fearless crossings, Crossing violent winds, Crossing oceans in anger, So many times, As the insecurities, Deny your insecurities, I gave myself to you, A push I gave, To all your insecurities!

 

Poem 32

Prolong

 

You cannot see oxygen, It surround us, But you cannot see it, Oxygen is to breathe, and love for pleasure, can you see? Love is not hidden, Your open eyes see me, The world has its disasters, Its catastrophes, You have oxygen to breathe, And my love to give you pleasure, Can you feel it? When all else fails, I give you powers, To love everything you see in yourself, I give you oxygen to breathe….

 

Poem 33

Defeat

 

Defeat, what is it? Daily work is, Seeing everything happen, Except what I want to see, When I try to win, The more defeated I am! An exaggerated importance I give to these defeats, Defeat comes together with, A state of nerves, Almost uncontrollable, Doing what they tell me, Is detestable, They say: “Calm down!”, My lack of calmness, Nothing solves, It’s one more defeat, Who cares? Good Luck is dead, I am alive, Defeated, And with lack of calmness! Doing what they tell me, Is detestable, They say: “Calm down!”, It's annoying to keep my calm in a defeat! It's annoying to be beaten calmly! It is quite calmly annoying!

 

Poem 34

Fever

 

You give me fever, My head, Doesn’t cool down, You crash against me, And then retreat, Your psychiatrist confirms, You are so and so and so on! Nothing to be done! Your voice, Penetrates me, Dominates me, Completely, You leave me lit, With desire, Halfway into it you back away, Leaving me naked, All this fever for nothing! Your psychiatrist confirms, You are so and so and so on! Nothing to be done! My voice, Asks, Screams, Asks again, “What is wrong? Why do you do these things to me?! Why?!” You undress yourself, I die of desire for you, But you need to be punished, I think it’s going to be me, Who backs away this time! Let’s see if you like it!

 

Poem 35

My gaze

 

My gaze, Without joy, Dropped in the void, But now I have you, Everything I want to give you, Crystal castles, With golden columns, Because in me, All has transformed, My gaze, Without joy, Dropped in the void, But now I exist because you exist, I will always protect you, I will take away the strength, Of those and those things, That hurt you, All dense poetry will be cursed, That dares to take, From your gaze, Beautiful waterfalls, Green forests, Flowers and rare birds, I want to go to the deep ocean, To get enchanted treasure, To make you happy, You gave me life, I withdraw more and more from the void, Which is full of void…

 

Poem 36

Thunder in Flames

 

Why pretend, That I’m ok, If I feel cornered, My life has got to change, Now I’m searching for a new time, I hear thunder in flames, Thunder on fire, Signs with strong sounds, Sounds of change, Change is coming, Movement became  motionless, Exempt of something by which, To die for and live for, My life is without meaning, My life, is a lamentation which I do not accept, A lamentation that I don’t want to live, Signs with strong sounds, Sounds of change, Change is coming, What has long existed, Is departing, I invoked thunder in flames, My old life is in flames, Burns, Soon in ashes, What is written in my destiny, Is not enough, I´m departing, To a new life, It’s not enough to be alive, It’s not enough the life I´m living, This life is not who I am, All is minimum, I deserve more, I invoked thunder in flames, My old life is in flames, Burns, Soon in ashes, Thunder in flames, This is my new time…

 

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